


against all odds

by weatheredlaw



Series: fafsa is proof that god hates you [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hangover, Injury, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 15:38:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2393756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatheredlaw/pseuds/weatheredlaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The problem with asking Shepard if he's serious is that he usually isn't. The problem with Tali is that she usually is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	against all odds

**Author's Note:**

> i started playing mass effect and clearly my first response should be to write a snarky college au. for your reference, garrus is straight up studying birds.

"You're serious." Garrus looks between Shepard and Tali, to the top of the building in front of them, and then back to them. "Really."

The problem with asking Shepard if he's serious is that he usually isn't. The problem with Tali is that she usually is. 

"Do it for the _Vine_ ," Shepard says, digging through the front pocket of his hoodie and unearthing his phone and three Burger King wrappers. "Or because you owe me. One of the two."

Garrus tilts his head, confused because this is not a _favor_ , not when the situation in question is that Shepard hauled his ass out of bed at three in the morning and drove a puking Garrus Vakarian back to his apartment and let him sleep in the kitchen floor with a bucket. 

Climbing a building is _not_ a favor.

Tali tilts her head, glancing at the phone. "I'm confused about this _Vine_ thing."

"Youth culture," Garrus explains. 

"Of course."

Shepard scowls at the both of them. "I'm _older_ than you. Older than _you_ at least," he says, pointing at Tali. She doesn't seem interested or impressed by what's happening here, and Garrus knows her gears are spinning and she's just _waiting_ for the right moment to just fuck off and leave their sorry asses in front of the old chem building with the full intention of calling security _just because she can_. 

Whether she wants to do that or not, though, she shifts her stance and jerks her chin toward the exposed fire escape. "You want him to climb this, then."

" _Yes_." Shepard seems so pleased, so _excited_ about the prospect of Garrus potentially _dying_ on a rusted ladder that Garrus almost starts climbing, just because. "Wait." Shepard reaches out and rattles the ladder, then nods. "Yeah, it's this one."

"I won't." Garrus folds his arms tightly across his chest. He can see Tali grinning out of the corner of his eye and he's not going to look at her, not going to _say anything to her--_ "Why are you smiling?" _God dammit, Garrus._

"Maybe you're frightened."

"I am. I am terrified that I am going to either get tetanus or _die_ , because right now, _both_ of these options seem completely plausible."

"Perhaps if you thought very hard about how impressive this _Vine_ will be."

"Yes!" Shepard looks so pleased with her, throwing his arm out and pulling Tali in close. "She gets it."

Garrus mutters, "I really don't think she does," but finally relents. He shrugs out of his jacket and grips the rusty ladder tight. "I hate you."

 

 

 

He (probably) doesn't have tetanus, but he does have a _nasty_ gash on his shoulder. Shepard looks guilty, but it's half assed. Garrus suspects Tali is only here still because her sense of humor is kind of twisted. 

"You're climbing next time," Garrus mutters, refusing to look at her because he _knows_ she's looking at him.

"I am very good at climbing, Vakarian. I took gymnastics for six years."

"What made you stop?"

"Nothing. I just did." 

Garrus finally looks at her, eyebrows raised and watching her lips curl into a smile. Everything she says sounds like a challenge, but he doesn't take the bait. He's bleeding and tired and they've been in the ER for two hours and he has class in the morning at eight. Jesus. A nurse finally comes out and calls his name. Shepard and Tali stay in the lobby and he gets cleaned up and given a stern lecture on drinking and horseplay from a nurse maybe four years older than him. _Maybe_. Garrus doesn't bother to explain himself. He doesn't have the energy.

Shepard isn't in the lobby when Garrus comes back out, but before he can start throwing a fit about it Tali grabs his elbow and tells him, "Shepard parked in a handicap spot and someone shouted about it. He's waiting outside and he told me to tell you not to be angry. Please," she adds. "He said please." 

"Of course he said please. Piece of shit."

Tali gives his arm a squeeze. "Sometimes we just can't choose the people we love, can we?"

Garrus almost opens his mouth to tell her a lie, something like: _I don't love Shepard_ , but she wouldn't believe him. They've been keeping Shepard out of trouble and letting him do the same for them for so long, they don't know how _not_ to take care of each other. They're a trio of mother hens to no one but themselves -- everyone else just has to put up with it.

She leads him through the sliding doors of the hospital toward the truck. Garrus can see Shepard messing with the radio, hauling himself out when he sees them coming closer. "They made me move. Do you have tetanus? I really hope you don't have tetanus."

"No, just cancer."

Shepard scowls. "Uncool. Favor repaid, by the way." He grins and heads back to the truck, pushing himself into the driver's seat. "You no longer owe me."

Garrus winces as he pulls the seatbelt over his shoulder. He doesn't have it in him to be angry, but he mutters, "I fucking hate you," anyway, just because Shepard's expecting it. 

 

 

 

"I've got a venti passion tea lemonade on the bar." Garrus _needs_ to be studying -- he has a twelve page paper due in two days that's only, like, _half_ finished, and an exam on Friday. But he's also broke as shit and he needs the hours. He turns around to start cleaning out some of the mixers, hoping his back will keep people from ordering. 

"Do you make a habit of ignoring your customers?"

Garrus turns around and scowls. Tali is always coming by to harass him. "Just the annoying ones."

She leans forward on the counter, playing with a five dollar bill between her fingers. "I'll be quick, I promise."

"A green tea for the lady," he says, because she always orders a green tea. He grabs a cup and starts looking for the tea bags. 

"What on _earth_ was that pink monstrosity?"

"Don't order it." He lets the bag steep in the water for a moment. "Headed to work?"

"No, my father is in an _incredibly_ important meeting today and I was informed my services would not be needed for the rest of the week." She looks a little bitter, but doesn't say anything else about it. Garrus hands off her cup, shaking his head when she hands him the five. "Vakarian."

"Don't worry about it." Tali raises an eyebrow, but accepts it, sliding the money back into her pocket. "Enjoy your day off, I guess."

"Well, it would be more enjoyable if everyone _else_ was off as well, but. I'll live." She raises her cup. "Cheers."

 

 

 

 **shepard:** dude let's go out tonight  
 **garrus:** i have so much work to do and it's a wednesday  
 **shepard:** please let's go out tonight  
 **garrus:** i'm going to hit you in the throat when i see you tomorrow  
 **shepard:** you can hit me in the throat tonight if you go out  
 **garrus:** i'm ignoring you good night  
 **shepard:** garrus  
 **shepard:** garrus  
 **shepard:** garrus  
 **shepard:** garrus  
 **shepard:** garrus  
 **shepard:** garrus  
 **shepard:** garrus  
 **garrus:** GOOD NIGHT

 

 

 

Garrus doesn't punch Shepard in the throat when he finally sees him on Friday, mostly because he's so fucking relieved to be _done_ with everything. What he deserves to do is get properly _sloshed_ and the best person to do that with is Shepard. Always.

"My mother calls you my crazy bird friend," he shouts over the din of the bar.

"She isn't wrong," Garrus concedes, draining his cider. "I'm gonna go get another drink."

"Oh, me! Get me another. Get--" Shepard spots someone out of the corner of his eye and waves his free hand wildly. " _Kaidan!_ Kaidan, get over here, Garrus is buying everyone beer."

"No, I'm--"

Kaidan fits between them and shakes his head. "It's cool man, they don't have what I want." Garrus nods and makes his way to the bar, reaching for the cash in his pocket to pay. 

"No worries, she got you." The bartender hands over a beer and a cider, jerking his chin toward Tali. She looks pleased with herself, kind of like she always does.

Garrus scowls. "Excuse you."

"Just using the money I saved on tea the other day," she says brightly. She's drinking something bright blue through a straw that's far too big for her glass. "I heard someone say you were buying for everyone."

"That someone is a drunk idiot. Not that I'm _not_ a drunk idiot. But you know."

"I do know." Tali walks with him back to Shepard and Kaidan, sitting at the table with them. "Who is driving? I walked here."

"I will," Kaidan says. 

" _Prude!_ " Shepard shouts. "Total prude. Won't even have _one_ beer. Won't even take _one_ shot with me. Rude, prude, all of the above."

"Someone has to make sure you don't die," Kaidan says. 

"You can have _a beer_."

"Stop it."

Shepard huffs. " _Fine._ "

Tali looks between the two of them, sipping out of her large straw. "You are very cute together."

" _Thank you_ ," Shepard says, putting a hand over his heart. "See, I _told_ you--"

Kaidan untangles the neck of the bottle from Shepard's fingers. "You're done now. You need to go home."

"I do, yes."

"I'm taking him home. Can you two get back?"

"I can walk," Tali says. 

"She can walk," Garrus parrots. "With me. She'll walk me home. God."

Tali rests her chin in her hand. "You are drunk, Vakarian."

"I am _very_ drunk." 

Kaidan looks between the two of them, but doesn't say anything. "Alright. Be safe. Come on, Shep."

" _Prude._ Canadian prude-bacon." 

"That's not...nevermind." Kaidan sighs, because he weighed the suffering and the benefits of knowing Shepard just like the rest of them did, only he decided to date him, too. Garrus definitely did not help. Tali probably did. She's an insufferable matchmaker on occasion. When she's drunk. 

Garrus buys shots because he's an idiot, and they take them because they're both a lot less wise than they will be in the morning. In seven hours, if he's even awake, Garrus will regret this. But Tali takes it like a pro, takes another just as easy and this is an aggressively _bad_ idea, but Garrus takes the second one with her.

There isn't much that happens after that which he remembers.

Probably for the best.

 

 

 

In the morning, he wakes up on a couch that is definitely not his, fully clothed down to his shoes, covered haphazardly in a blanket. The pounding in his head could probably be heard from _space_ , and it feels like the blood vessels around his eyes are going to burst. He thinks he might die, and at this point that would be a relief from the bone-splitting headache he is probably going to have for the rest of forever.

There is blessedly not an ounce of light coming into the room and he has no idea what time it is. He pulls the blanket over his head and tries to go back to sleep. It smells like Tali's place, because her apartment always smells like a candle, usually something she bought on clearance at Target. This morning it's pine, he thinks, but that part of his brain might have been liquefied last night. He still isn't sure.

When Garrus wakes up again, there's light streaming through the blinds in the living room and Tali is making noise in the kitchen. He groans, loudly and painfully. 

"Oh, good. You're awake."

"What _time_ is it?"

"Eleven. Do you want breakfast or lunch?"

"Death."

She clucks her tongue. "I have eggs or, well, eggs I guess. I need to go shopping."

"Water," he says instead.

"I can do that." He sees her vague form through the blanket and reaches out for the glass, pulling it under his stifling cocoon and toward his mouth, trying to sip without sitting up. "You're a grown man, Vakarian."

"And I took three tequila shots."

"You're also a sorority girl, apparently. And you _did_ admit to being a drunken idiot," she says. She cracks the eggs into a bowl and starts whisking them together. The sound of metal on metal does not quell Garrus's need to die, but the idea of food is slightly intriguing. He takes a chance and kicks off the blanket, moaning when the light hits his eyes, the sudden movement spilling water all over his chest. 

"Fuck."

Tali takes pity on him and closes the blinds, standing in front of the couch to observe the way his arms noodle out of his sweater and toss it in a pile with the blanket. His t-shirt is dry enough, but now he's out of water. So many problems. _So many._ "Here." She takes the glass from him and goes back into the kitchen to fill it. "It's staying here, though. Move your feet, Vakarian."

"You're so mean."

"You like it." She hands him the glass when he finally makes it into the kitchen, peering into the skillet at the eggs. "You aren't allowed to throw up here."

"I feel like I did last night."

"Yes, you did. All over a very beautiful rosebush and possibly a cat." Garrus sits down at her tiny kitchen table and slumps, covering his face with his hands. "I don't _think_ you got the cat, if it makes you feel better."

"No. It doesn't." Tali sets a plate of eggs in front of him, patting his shoulder. "I take back what I said about you being mean. A little. Gluten free accommodations, only at Chez Tali."

"Well you always make me gluten free brownies. I can cook you eggs sometimes." She sits down next to him, poking at the yolk with her fork. "I'm assuming you don't remember last night."

"I don't."

"You told me I was devastatingly beautiful."

Garrus fucking _chokes_ because no he fucking _didn't._ Garrus Vakarian doesn't tell women they're beautiful because _fuck_ and he doesn't say words like _devastating_ when he isn't talking about the effects of deforestation on the local population of bald eagles. And Tali is just sitting there, eating her eggs and drinking her coffee that he knows is made from the grounds he bought her last month when they went to that gluten-free co-op thing on Fifth and she had joked about it and he bought it kind of as a joke but not really and now he's looking at her and realizing pretty fucking fast -- 

Tali is devastatingly beautiful.

" _Fuck_."

She shrugs and sets her fork down, finished and looking so damned pleased with herself, in stark contrast to the way Garrus must look -- like he wants to _die_ and also maybe evaporate. "If it makes you feel better, you didn't try to kiss me. You just told me I was devast--"

"Stop saying it."

"Well." She crosses her legs and leans forward. "It's alright. You threw up on a rosebush after that. The moment didn't last long."

"I'm so glad you feel the need to relive it," he says dryly.

"You were very serious about it. But you're serious about most things." She tilts her head. "I believed you when you said it. And I still believe you now. The sentiment, rather. I'm not sure if I find myself that beautiful, but I believed the way you said it." Her cheeks have a pink flush to them, something Garrus only notices because he is _staring_. Like an _idiot._ "It was nice."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I thought it was obvious."

Garrus covers his face with his hands again, looking at her through his fingers. "It isn't."

Tali sighs. Garrus understands how she's feeling. Even he hates dealing with himself sometimes. "I assumed you said that because you already thought it. But you don't remember what I said. After you finished throwing up." Garrus groans. "I said that I thought you were devastatingly kind, even if you don't want anyone to think that's true." 

Garrus takes his hands away from his face, because she's stopped teasing him, and that makes it serious. This is a Moment. They are inside a true blue _Moment_ and he would be a dick for fucking this up. Tali doesn't look _hurt_ , really, but Garrus can imagine she might be. That his inability to think like a grownup or have feelings like a grownup could be enough to push anyone a little too far. He angles himself toward her and meets her gaze. 

She speaks first. "How long, Vakarian?"

"A while," he admits. A year, probably more. Nursing his feelings quietly. Stifling them in the dark. Keeping them to himself. Paying Shepard off in those disgusting strawberry frappucino things so he wouldn't babble to anyone about it. He's lost, thinking about all the chances he had to tell her -- and the gentle slide of her hand into his own catches him off guard. "There was never a good time to tell you that didn't sound...contrived."

"These things are rarely convenient."

"You don't make it easy."

Tali smirks. "Why? Because I'm mean?"

"You're incredibly disarming." Garrus lets her spread her fingers out over his palm, thumb tracing the soft flesh between his thumb and finger. "So what do we do now?"

She shrugs, letting her hand trail down to his wrist, curling her fingers around it. Garrus grips her own, gently. He feels someone's pulse beating against the meat of his palm, but it could be his own, could be both of them. He feels incredibly stupid for spending so much time _not_ doing exactly this. "I would like to go back to sleep."

He makes an incredibly embarrassing noise in his throat because there is no decent way to respond to that. Tali stands, still connected at his wrist. Garrus doesn't say anything else as he follows her, finally getting rid of his shoes somewhere in the hallway. Her room is dark and cool and it's a relief to stretch out next to her, fingers finding the bend in her elbow and holding on. 

"You may _sleep_ here, Vakarian."

"The only reason I'm breathing is because my brain is doing it for me."

Tali laughs, rolling over to tuck her head under his chin. "Yes, well. We can discuss more at a later time. When I can feel my hands completely."

"That sounds dangerous."

Tali sighs, like dealing with him is a chore. Garrus suspects she already knows that it will be. The fact that she's still here is proof. "Sleep, Vakarian." She raises her head, just a little, and presses her lips to the hollow of his throat. "You need to sleep."


End file.
